#im seriously hating on my past self right now because of this

[the-lights-are-loud]

REMINDER!!

Make sure to keep your resume up to date even if you aren't looking for jobs! It'll save you so much time (and mental capacity) when you do need it!

[yameoto]

knocked up omega cate whos so frustrated w you because you just woke up from a hangover and a night full of girls needing help with their heats, eager to tell you about her pregnancy, just to see you not take her seriously, thinking that she's pulling your leg. frustrated little thing tries hard to get your foggy brain to listen, growing more and more irritated by the second as you consistently dismiss her words as a joke and catching sight of the faint hickeys on your neck, and suddenly, she's whining and begging and— "please, listen to me!"

and oh the poor thing, you sit up blearily the moment she'd started to sniffle and you're pulling her into your lap and hugging her and finally, you're listening to her. she's having your pup and oh— next thing she knows, she's mewling for her neck to be marked, all glassy eyes and whimpers as you continued to rub against her ruined underwear, hands tugging at your hair to try and get you to mark her so desperately.

sobbing the moment you've slipped inside her, finally clenching over something with glittery tears streaming down her cheeks, tugging at your hair because goddamn, just mark her already! but you won't, and she doesn't understand why. you claim it's to get her prepared, and its all bullshit, she knows. she's more than prepared and she's not dumb. she doesn't understand why you just won't mark her. she's been a good girl, and for god's sake, she's carrying your pup! isn't that reason enough for her to be marked?

passes out the moment your teeth make contact with her skin, all limp limbs draped over your body, all too hypersensitive with the pregnancy and christ, a mark has never looked this good on anybody.

xoxo im giving you my liver yam. i keep coming back to your inbox.

the way this made me instantly wet. fuck. of course you don't take her seriously, at first. why would you? you've been the resident panty-dropper of the dorms since freshman year and not once have you even marked anyone. let alone gotten anyone pregnant. because obviously you're more trustworthy than all the shitty alpha men out there. your strength in powers is almost irrelevant compared to the self-control you have to not mark up or breed any of the omegas that knock on your dormroom door; rubbing their thighs together, whimpering and wet. cate hates thinking about them. has something in her stomach boiling and skin prickling, even before she bought the pregnancy test kit.

it doesn't help that cate comes in right after you've finished with another omega, passing them as they limp out of your dorms, blushing and sated. when she comes in, you look it, too. brain all fuzzy from the high you've just gotten—only just got your sweatpants pulled up when cate floats in. anxious, fiddling thing. fidgeting in the middle of your dorm room, fingers twisting the hem of her shirt, psyching herself up like she's been for the past four days before it just spills from her lips; "i'm pregnant. s'yours." rushing out so fast you almost miss it. holding her breath for your reply, head pounding. the words set you on fire, for a moment. line of electricity crackling through your ears and straight to your cock. then, clarity hits. "no, you're not." you snort, suppressing the flush of disappointment (and arousal) that unspools. this is silly. it's probably one of andre's dumbass dares or jordan's version of a joke.

and cate. oh, poor little cate, whose been losing sleep and gnawing at nails and readying for this all to blow up in her face; to drop out of school and become a single fucking mother; rendered utterly stunned in the face of your disbelief. she just stands there, silent, before her shock melts away to annoyance.

"i am!" she stamps her foot. looks a little like a toddler. you bore her with this utterly deadpan look like, c'mon now, that has equal parts disbelief and desperation welling up in her throat. her breathing's coming in fast, now. and she says it again, one more time—in a way that has your eyes sharpening and body sitting upright in bed. pulling her into your arms, and her brain almost turns to static right then and there. all alpha alpha strong alpha gonna take care of me gonna take care of our babies—

when you don't mark her as soon as her plea is murmured into your neck, she lets out the most plaintive whine you've ever heard. cate's heart thrumming fast as she nuzzles into your chest, trembling. is she such a bad omega? she doesn't understand why you don't want to mark her. it's in your biology. she's carrying your pup, for god's sake. it should be the one priority in your head to stake your claim. mark her up and show the world she's yours, forever. why aren't you? fuck. and maybe its irrational but it hurts. because at first you dismissed her claims like they were nothing and now, even as you believe her; run your fingers over her tummy so tenderly it makes her whimper—you're still not marking her. still not mating her. even when she sinks back onto your cock and your teeth are dragging along her neck you're still not biting, and it makes her want to burst into tears. why don't you want to? what about her is so deplorable you're fighting your deepest, most primal, innermost instincts? there's a burning in her cheeks and her chest and her thighs as she bucks herself on your lap, pounding slick cunt to your cock, like she could force you if she could wriggle you in deep enough, make you feel good enough. she could force you, but she wants you to want it. doesn't know what she'd do if you didn't. you're not seriously going to fuck around with the other girls in your dorms while she's pregnant with your pup, are you? the thought has her spiralling, breathing harsh and ragged as she slams so deep against your hips; her eyes rolling back, gasping, "please please please–" "i'll be so good—" "do anything–" and she's crying out and creaming all over your cock. wet, squelching sounds only getting louder. she refuses to pull off until you mark her, delirious and overstimulated and leaving a gooey white ring around your base. she's panting, mumbling, blinking back tears as she presses flush into you "god, i'll be good—be such a good mommy—please—" and that's when you can't take it anymore and your teeth latch down. such a good mommy, you echo, growling into her neck. the way she nods, fast and eager to please—whining happily as she fucks herself back on your cock. she will she will she will she will.

[all-pacas]

i read all your house fics over the past few days and i love your style of writing. the dialogue fits the characters and show so well, idk what it is about it but it just clicks in my head and i can hear their voices while i read it. and all of their internal monologues are just perfect. i love the grasp you have on the ducklings' backstories and motivations its seriously inspired :))

now im trying to work on the oneshot idea ive been stewing over for an entire year, about chase being house's only fellow pre-canon, which seems like a weird and absurd situation to me. the idea is that something must have happened for him to basically be secured as house's fellow, but he also has to realize himself that he passed house's mysterious criteria. any specific tips for writing him? especially younger him?

Oh wow that’s so flattering! And SUCH a good idea for a fanfic, I’m also lowkey obsessed with the mysterious year (!) Chase spent with House pre-series lmao. Like I think we all agree, there’s no way House would have kept him just because his dad called, right? I actually can’t think of a way to get someone fired faster than telling House he has to employ this kid.

I have no idea for tips, because I feel like I still kind of am like ??? when it comes to Chase. But I’m also always happy to yell about god’s least favorite princess:

Chase is kinda passive-aggressive! He will do his best to avoid and freeze out his problems. When everyone is trying to talk to him about his dad, he ignores, refuses to engage, literally walks away. When House confronts him about the nun in S1, Chase doesn’t actually confirm that he’s Catholic, even: he just changes the subject to “I bet the nun’s boss knows about her.” By implication, he confirms House is right, but he never says shit. He’s private as hell. Likewise, he gets touchy when people “pry.” We also see it in his relationship with Cameron, to an extent: it bothers him for a long while that she never makes him feel welcome at her apartment, but he doesn’t say anything, just lowkey makes sure they’re always at his. 

He also tends to be conflict avoidant. When Cameron and Foreman are fighting over the “stolen” article, they both try to get him on their side, and he tells them both what they want to hear. He doesn’t defend himself against House’s bullying, Foreman tells him to his face a couple of times that he doesn’t like him and Chase says nothing. However, this doesn’t mean he’s that easy going. We see with his dad he will hold a fucking grudge forever — even in S5 he’s talking about how much he hated him, and in S8 and how he talks about his mother, we see he hasn’t stopped hating her, either. Also he calls out Foreman a couple of times, either by just being a little bitch (telling a patient “Foreman doesn’t like me either” while Foreman is right there) or by just laying things out for him (S7′s “oh, you think you’re better than me?” stairway rant). It also doesn’t mean Chase is totally spineless and has no boundaries. With Cameron, he actually dumps her when she tries to avoid him over the engagement, and has no problem calling off the wedding over sperm-gate. When things matter to him, he’ll stand up for himself; he just prefers to freeze out or avoid conflict. He also has no problem in confronting House when he feels like it. He’s not very scared of House, House just doesn’t bother him.

He also gains more… let’s call it confidence… as time goes on. Chase always seems to be pretty secure in his self-worth and idea of himself (and NEVER willingly opens up to other people), but over time he definitely becomes a little punchier. In S1-3 he’s willing to just sort of roll his eyes and take it when things happen, but by S4-5 he’s happy to call House or Foreman out and argue instead of just letting things go (passive-aggressively). He never gets any better at emotional honesty (his “punch House instead of talking about his divorce” thing is straight out of his S1 daddy issues playbook), but he does grow something of a spine. I imagine before the show started, he was even less prone to fighting back beyond snarky comments.

He genuinely finds House funny. He almost always laughs at House’s stupidest jokes, and as much as he’s accused of being an asskisser, he. Really just does think House is funny. Foreman and Cameron hardly ever react to House’s little comments, Chase is always grinning along. This is important. Chase’s sense of humor sucks! He is an idiot! He likes House. In S1 he says he likes how direct House is, there’s the way he always laughs at House’s jokes, he is absolutely a huge suck up also but he also likes House. I think pre-canon this was absolutely still the case. House comes in all prepared to make this little nepo-baby cry and instead Chase not just imprints on him but thinks he’s so funny and admires how mean he is and how smart he is. Chase really likes his job. He says it a lot, but I don’t know if it gets focused on all that much. He ratted to Vogler because he wanted to keep his job, he makes comments many times about how he won’t risk his job. He likes working for House, he wants to keep doing it, he will ass-kiss and work hard and throw people under the bus to keep it: with the Vogler situation, he was pretty willing to fight Cameron for it, and he and Cameron usually get along!

He’s very observant when he wants to be. He gets House; from his little monologue to Wilson in Private Lives we see he basically can analyze “House is looking at a book” and figure out it’s a fake book and that House is really invested in it. In S3, he’s able to pick apart House and Foreman’s resignation drama over like. Two sentences. In ‘Nobody’s Fault’ in S8, Chase is pissed with House (for really the first time ever), but also sees through his excuses to do differentials in the OR as excuses for House to check in, he knows House is worried: in S5, Chase realizes House is broken up about his father’s death without even seeing him. This is also something House appreciates about Chase, a lot. He says in S3 it’s why he hired him; House also tends to “reward” Chase by being pretty honest with him. When Chase asks him something, House usually answers him honestly. (with Foreman’s resignation, as soon as Chase calls him out, House admits it and they have an honest conversation on what House should do next; in S5, House wants a surgery done for personal reasons and admits it and why when Chase asks.) 

I think part of this is because Chase actually very rarely does ask House anything, and he never makes demands on House or his feelings. He accepts at face value that House is “fine” during Detox, he doesn’t try and fix or change him, in “Half Wit” when the others are scheming to get House tested or make amends with him, Chase tries (and fails) to act normal, and then just wants a hug. Compare like. Cameron, who keeps trying to change or push House into acting how she wants him to act (blackmailing him into a date, for example). I’m not saying House doesn’t care about her, just. House is more open with Chase than he is with a lot of people who aren’t Wilson. Also, Chase does not return the favor. He literally ran up the stairs rather than tell House about his daddy issues, lmao. It’s kind of crazy that House is arguably more open and honest with Chase than vice-versa.

Finally, despite all his secret seething passive-aggression and daddy issues, and the fact that honestly Chase could really benefit from therapy and anti-depressants? He is not a sad uwu baby. This is sort of a general rant, but. You see it all the tiiime in fanfic. And yes, he’s super fucked up. But he’s cheerful most of the time! He likes doing crazy things, he is often pretty sarcastic and makes bad jokes! He’s a flirt, even before his S7 manwhore days — in early seasons we see him check out girls in the hallways, flirt at parties, with residents and nurses. He has hobbies (he’s fairly sporty, if Cameron’s “your apartment was decorated by a drunk rugby player” comment is anything to go on), he likes to read and do crossword puzzles and surfs and skis. He tells bad jokes. He tends to be fairly self confident — he doesn’t just take it when he’s accused of making mistakes, he has no problems with social situations or interactions, he hilariously thinks women are attracted to his personality and not his looks, like, he thinks he has a winning personality, that’s incredibly funny. He’s not arrogant in that he doesn’t really have much of a need to prove himself (he’s pretty fucking unambitious, actually), but he definitely has the Good Looking Rich Kid mentality where he thinks he belongs in any given situation and that people like him. He also has the social skills to back it up. Because he represses and avoids and seethes instead of expressing emotions, he comes off as generally cheerful and laid back, you know? Why be sad when you can just repress everything and flirt with nurses instead!

Finally finally: he's a huge fucking crybaby. Have you seen how red his eyes get. He might try to be stoic and repress but he tears up at the drop of a hat. First time House bullied him he probably started to cry.

[i-eat-mold]

Fun fact! Ive always had trouble sleeping (shocking, right? Everything I post is from 2am-5am)(it’s 2:19am right now) so Ive had dark circles under my eyes pretty much since I can remember, and im not talking “oh you look a bit tired today,” im talking extremely prominent ones to the point where practically every adult in my life got concerned about it. In my late childhood and early teens, as one does, I became soooo self conscious about them. I couldn’t even look at anyone because the thought of them looking at my eyes made me sick. Yknow usual teen stuff. But honestly, in the past half a decade or so I’ve learnt to actually like them. They’re not flattering at all, but they are a big part of me and I actually love them now!! Im proud of them in a way as weird as that sounds. I don’t wear makeup, and whenever I do I just use eyeliner to accentuate that part of me because seriously I’ve grown to love it so much. It’s probably my favorite thing about myself.

So to commemorate that angsty little 13yo me (and to make em turn in their grave) that hated them to the core, well, fuck you, I drew this.

I love these little ugly eyes of mine

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

HELLO AGAIN EVERYONE my tummy aches but im being brave about it and im going to fight the pain with the power of love and friendship (aka im going to thank you for the christmas tree messages)

okay let me be emotional for a moment...

because of the current circumstances at home, this Christmas was very different and much lonelier for me. i did my best not to get the blues and i think it was okay for the most part! now looking back at it, without a doubt, the highlight of my Christmas this year was reading the tree messages. it was very late in the night, i had just finished reading Napo's story event route and i saved the best part for desert, barely containing my excitement to finally read the messages. and i expected just a row of "merry christmas"-es 😭 you know, because, i did that? i kept mine all short and i was just shouting some wishes at you.... BUT NO, YOU OUTDID YOURSELVES IN TURN! WHAT WAS THAT! i was right there sobbing in my bed being all "?????" .... i seriously didn't expect 1) to have so many because i did the tree very last minute 2) to receive such sweet messages...

and then i realized, was my Christmas really all that lonely? because, just 3-4 years ago, i didn't know any of you here. before that i never was more than a lurker in online spaces so... i think that's when i had truly lonely christmases, not now. thank you for being here. i don't deserve you... no im sorry if you hate it when i say that, pretend that i didnt say it ( i lowkey think that) (im sorry im in my low self esteem era these past months)

OKAY SO

thank you person called Bread, thank you Lorei for being the first sob of my sob session, it's all YOUR fault that i got so emotional oh my god im totally dm-ing you after this, thank you irl bestie who not only left me a sweet personal message but also roleplayed my faves for me because i screamed (you heard it), thank you kat for your three messages that made me feel all kind of emotions (im touched that youre willing to write this even if i feel like im going to hate it), THANK YOU NINNI HUGS BACK!, thank you Ally i know it was you. using roy to threaten me with a good time.... smh... MERRY CRIMMY SCUM!!!!, YAY TO YOU TOO, SOLACE!! Thank you aqua, you're right, he's good to me 🥺 just as chev is to you, i believe! THANK YOU DREW im still thinking about it. Thank you Fang, I could say the same and you know it 🥺, THANK YOU DEVON!! Thank you so much Ana, I too hope the same, I'm glad I became your mutual! 🥹 Same goes to you too, Oliver! I'm just always so happy to see new faces around, truth is im a little bit shy with interactions at first because i feel annoying... so thank you for becoming my moot! 🙇🏻‍♀️💗 Thank you, sweet Julie 🥹 THANK YOY MYARA, I CRIED A LITTLE! right back at ya, i think that you're an irreplaceable part of our little space and im just so glad to be here and see everything you do and share with us! hope your 2024 is full of joy both on here and irl ❤ Thank you mimi, i feel the same and you better not forget that! Thank you Michelle, love you too!!! THANK YOU, NAMI! Thank you, Impromptu!!!!! Thank you Nori!!!!!!!!! And thank you sui you're so right as ever. nods.

i think thats all im so sorry if i forgot anyone ALSO im so sorry for doing this. i tried to keep my responses vague in case you wanted these to be extra private... i initially was going to dm all of you but. that was because i thought there were going to be like 10 of you!!! again im sorry. love you all so much im an emotional wreck

i hope you had a good time these past few days and i hope we can all look forward to a great 2024 together 🥺 i'd be nowhere without you

@lorei-writes @yanderepuck @claviscollections @yarnnerdally @scummy-writes @aquagirl1978 @ikemendrew @fang-and-feather @devonares @bicayaya @olivermorningstar @queengiuliettafirstlady @keithsandwich @mimi-but-main @xbalayage @namine-somebodies-nobody @the12thnightproject @mcwentfandomtraveling @leonscape

[im-out-of-it]

I think this is part 15 of season 2, episode 12 IM OVER THIS JACE SHIT FOCUS ON MALEC INSTEAD “you are not your own” CONTINUED

198. funny how in season one jace is like I don’t know who I am and now he does I guess

199. and by birth right, she means you’ll get a promotion over someone (Alec) who actually deserves it and now she will hand you everything you could want. I really don’t care if jace has trauma, he has so much privilege and gets everything handed to him. at least Alec makes mistakes and works through it and doesn’t get things handed to him. it’s been a second of this scene and I already hate it

200. and yes it vexes me because jace gets everything handed to him and they’re like “oh you’ve been through it” and excuse all the terrible shit he did. tired of him getting a pass because of childhood trauma. YOU ALMOST GOT MAGNUS KILLED TWICE but fucking go on, get a promotion you don’t deserve. literally imogen would’ve happily let him die if he wasn’t a herondale and now he’s the greatest thing she saw

201. now I can upload all the gifs I forgot let’s start with Alec

202. I love these

203. past episode of Magnus + his past

204. the show acting like Magnus would have Alec as A. Lightwood in his phone when it was Alec in season one. please 🙄 THAT IS ALEXANDER ONLY

205. just a few other ones I missed

206. I rewatched episode 6 so Alexander season 2 count is: 18

whooooooo that is it for the gifs. I originally thought I would have more but I think I’m overthinking it

207. let’s wrap it up. what I like about this episode: Alan and Harry’s acting is top notch. they have the vulnerability and the essence of Magnus and valentine down. I like the idea of the body swap but it’s poorly executed. seeing someone as famous and powerful as Magnus getting thrown into valentines body and having to convince Alec that he really is Magnus is a major feat to pull off. I love seeing Malec reunion and watching Magnus finally be free. I do like the Sebastian stuff but I don’t feel it was necessary to overboard us with all of that plus the Malec stuff. Matt also killed it as usual. I’m sure he hated every second of this lmao

208. I have more stuff I don’t like: this whole storyline. it should have been longer. Magnus and Alec reunited is literally not even five minutes long. they hardly have a discussion about it. Magnus and his trauma deserved to have more screen time. it’s just not enough. too many things are happening at once. Izzy, Simon, Raphael, clary, jace, Sebastian- when the sole focus should be Malec and valentine. you can’t just throw something major as a traumatic experience, tie it in an episode and say done. Alec is done wrong in this episode, it seems very out of character to not believe Magnus and I’m really tired of the “I trust jace more than anyone” Alec. if Alec should have asked for advice, it should be Izzy. this storyline with Malec is in bad taste in my opinion

209. I was never a fan of Simon + clary and they have short scenes but I don’t feel that was handled well either. Clary basically lied to Simon and he’s like hey that’s okay!!!!!!!!! I seriously don’t get why Simon is attracted to her in the first place

210. Izzy Raphael Simon stuff was badly handled. Izzy intentionally hurt Raphael and then they end up trying to make Raphael the bad guy. he had every right to be upset. Izzy’s addiction storyline is also kind of a joke when you think about the show timeline is supposedly two-three months. addiction doesn’t work that way. it’s a long process. there are important themes in this episode: trauma addiction guilt and they aren’t handled well. Alec will feel vastly guilty for the part he played in Magnus’s trauma.

211. I think this would have been great to have Alec turn around and say “Jace just stop. Magnus has almost died twice because of your stupidity and you’ve been a self conceited tiresome dick for years. I’ve had it. I’ve made amends with clary and you haven’t done anything to earn my forgiveness for how you treated me. you get to carry on while I deal with the consequences. you and clary treat me, Izzy, and Magnus awful while we do everything for you. this is a one sided parabatai bond and I’m cutting it. I will no longer do things for you so good luck the next time you fuck up. also go fucking apologize to Magnus for harming him so many times and apologize for Izzy for being a shitty person. good riddance, now LEAVE OFF YA GO”

and I really hate how imogen is “now you’ll see what it’s like being family and you’ve had everything taken away but now you get everything” when this dude had everything before. he has Alec and Izzy constantly saving his ass as well as Magnus. Clary is obsessed with him, Simon protects him- which if you bullied me and tried to undermine my friendship/relationship- I’d hate you. even Maia gets over her jace hatred. literally no one is allowed to hate jace (and clary) and has to love jace at all times. yeah his parents are dead (but so was Harry potter’s and he wasn’t as insufferable about it) but he has all the support he could desire. WHAT MORE DO YOU FUCKING NEED

Alec has put you first before his own fucking boyfriend. Magnus has almost died twice because of your stupidity while Alec has almost died three times because of you. my problem with Jace (well I have many) is that he never feels bad for his actions. with the soul sword, he feels bad for half a second and then goes on his way not even minding that hundreds are dead because he didn’t use his brain. all the stuff he did with valentine and he didn’t face any punishment for it. he never faced any punishment for anything. downworlders revolt and the clave makes the downworld the issue as if they shouldn’t be mad that their family and friends died. but hey, jace is a herondale so he can get away with anything. he could literally be a mass murderer and the clave and everyone else would protect him and excuse his actions

212. id honestly give this episode a 5.6. I want to like it but there is so much wrong with it. it’s just poorly executed like all of CC’s books. no wonder Matt hates it lmao it does have good parts but it’s just a migraine to watch honestly

ALEC SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOONER

MALEC DESERVED MORE SCREEN TIME

AND BETTER TREATMENT

SHUT UP ABOUT JACE ALREADY

I don’t mind Sebastian but LEAVE CLARY GO

IZZY MAKES ME MAD

AND THAT ADDICTION STORYLINE IS POORLY DONE

212 is the number!!!!!! and yes, that is season 2, episode 12 combined!!!!!! episode 13 is next and I’m honestly stoked because it’s going to be a bunch of racist and homophobic shadowhunters get mad when the downworlders finally say hey I’ve had enough of y’all killing my friends and family. and the writers have Alec messing up AGAIN. SERIOUSLY CUT THE MAN SOME SLACK ALREADY. but he goes back to natural show Alec and says you know what, fuck you! my relationship has berthing to do with it because I’m not a shitty fucking person. but thank you for joining Magnus and valentine got switched and it wasn’t done properly and make jace go away already I don’t care about him and I’m sick of herondales discussion post. I’ll be starting episode 13 hopefully tomorrow!!!!!!

MAN I WENT OFF BUT BITCHFEST WILL CONTINUE TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU

[aperfectsonnet]

.

i can't stand myself. I never know what i'm doing. At least i haven't for a long time. I used to be so sure of everything, and sure i needed to be humbled a bit. But to this extreme? where i genuinely feel like i have no identity? When i am so lost in what i even believe or stand for? It's like my sense of self has been completely fractured. I sooth myself with roles. roles that i cannot - and fail - to play. i don't know what is right or wrong anymore. i can't stand what i've done. i can't stand the pain i have spread. i can't envision my future. I used to have my life's milestones planned out. I used to have goals. Now i don't know where i will be in a month. in five. in a year. its all empty. how can i move forward if i dont know in which direction to go? i just take a step. and another step. I am scared shitless. i feel like i've been cursed my whole life. all because of a stupid fucking cult. whose effects on my psyche still show up until this moment, despite it being almost 10 years since i left it. i left it but it wont leave me. i'm full of hate and bitterness right now that despite all my efforts to shed my past from me, it has followed me silently. im so afraid of doing anything wrong. i freeze up. i am horrified of admitting when i make mistakes, it feels like life or death, because it WAS life or death when i was young. I have tried to improve over the years. its not pride when i struggle to to make hard choices or admit my wrongs, it never has been pride, it has been utter fear that i will die. that my reputation is ruined. that everybody will leave me. its too much weight to put on a child's heart. ive been so afraid my whole life. it feels like nobody takes this kind of thing seriously because its invisible abuse. because its just a weird quirky religion. because how can it still affect me when ive been gone for a decade? they gaslight you to hell - "Why are you making it out bigger than it is? You knew the consequences. We still treat you kindly. You can always come back". Maybe because i was fucking 16 and making a decision that i felt coerced into. i felt i had no choice. i just went through the motions. thats all ive ever done.

i can tell how people always think i am heartless because i dont show my pain outwardly. its just how i cope. i stay silent. and i show nothing. and yet, alone i weep and weep. i just cannot speak in front of most.

i am an utterly broken child, still feeling abandoned, still unable to handle a life alone. i am angry with how much pain i have been given. i am angry that i have so much to heal. and that most of it was by no fault of my own. i am angry with myself for how immature and lost i still am. im too fucking old for all this. its not a good look. i cannot stand who i am right now.

[vorecommunitywoes]

the more i think about it i might be a horrible person in this case, i kinda know that. i got defensive over that idea but ive genuinely been on an emotional rollercoaster lately and i feel like i just said things that have made things worse and worse and i shouldnt have used those excuses and the more i think abt it i dont know whos side to look and i know you said you dont think im actually like. a horrible person but i think it might genuinely be true. i dont know. i might just need to take a break from most of the internet to recollect my thoughts because i dont want to believe im a horrible person but i also feel like it is true and that everyone has a right to hate me. i would say sorry again but i feel like that'd sound too empty and i apologize if this isn't. that in-depth of an apology there's too much going on in my head right now and you can get mad at me for that it's okay. i still feel worried you're like watching my main blog and shit but atp i don't feel like i have the right to be weirded out by that because of what i did. there's still some things i don't agree with on here but other than that i do need to self-reflect. bye. i guess.

-- dinner-faggot

im gonna be clear w you and say that i have no intention to seek out ur main blog, nor do i know wht it is. im not seeking to out whatever ur main may be bc even though what happened happened i dont think this would be a long standing pattern tht warrants ppl knowing who u are across all ur socials. its not a case like some others tht are entirely unapolagetic for hurting other ppl and spread that type of influence across multiple platforms if that makes any sense, or tht ur an adult who is exploiting other adults and/or children

and again i truly dont believe ur some sort of horrible person, there arent good and bad ppl, just actions, right? some can choose actions that hurt or help others, or any other range of descriptors, but tht doesnt lock them into a singular state of being. ppl can always change, its always a choice u can make. the past cant be undone but u can learn from it to inform what may be the correct choice in future decisions.

you did say things tht made me more upset, that is correct, BUT i dont think thts reason to think ur never going to make better decisions in the present and future. or that ur some sort of monster that simply is that way forever just because, yk? we are both people who have fumbled hard in the face of things that set off deep traumas, which is just... natural. it genuinely is. i can only assume wht ur thought process was when you decided to make that art, and i want you to think ab where exactly that reaction came from. did you do it because you felt angry at me? or that it felt scary to see somebody harshly point out harmful things tht were going on in a community u value, as it directly affected ppl u care about? i sympathize w that genuinely if thats the case, it sucks to know tht there are patterns of bad actors in a place w people who care ab you and how there are ppl u know that may either be in the line of harm or are perpetuating it.

i had a hard time coming to terms w it myself since i also was a child that would talk to people much older than i was about vore, and then realizing as an adult how much it fucked my mental health for these other adults to use children as their emotional comforts. nobody ever talks ab how hard it is to face that when they legitimately helped you w your comforts, but at the same time... put you in the fire. esp if they were also ur age but engaging in the same exploitation, very recently i had to make an extremely difficult decision to stop talking to somebody who was the same age as i was and knew me since we were kids because they pressured me into situations with other ppl they knew, they never took me saying no seriously.

its hard for me not to get mad, and then to balance showing that emotion on this blog. bc i do want to be extremely sincere in that im angry at the actions ppl have decided to take, but i dont want it to be the sole driver of why i do this. theres genuine concern and hurt too, i dont want what happened to me or my friends to happen to other ppl, and it feels like ppl dont listen if u take it up privately bc its easily quashed. there has to be a way for these things to not be ignored by the greater community.

in any case, thank you for at least trying, and dont ever stop, ok? youre doing what you can and im not faulting you for it, me being angry and upset doesnt mean i think you deserve bad things to happen to you or for people to hate you. and im sorry for upsetting you too, im trying to be less harsh in how i approach this stuff while still being direct and to the point. this has a lot of deep rooted trauma tht im still trying to untangle, and i need to be more careful about how it presents itself in what i say here.

[forehead451]

crazy to me... it was always about control.

it was the day before my dads birthday. my parents were out on saturday like they always are and they often come home late in the evening. my sisters room was closed with curtains drawn so thats always the signal to leave her alone bc she works irregular hours often going to bed in the early morning or even midday. im not going to disturb her. its understood to assume she's sleeping unless she leaves her room.

its the mid afternoon, i head out to run errands and get my dads birthday gifts and card, flowers, etc. i eventually end up at Walmart bc it closes late. its after sunset atp but still nothing unusual. my mom called me while i was shopping earlier. she knows im at walmart doing birthday things for my dad.

now its almost 10pm. ive been relaxing in solitude in the car in parking lots in between stops. just enjoying my time away from the house bc i so rarely LEAVE.

i get a message from my sister.

now me being the frenzied shopper/low self-esteem sister who was feeling shitty bc had spoken too much about not liking my job at a dinner party a few nights before, immediately read her initial message as "*stop* telling people where you're headed as an adult. so nobody has to ask [further questions about why im unhappy/ungrateful]. it's rude and inconsiderate. because you're part of a household [meaning we're supporting you while you sit there complaining about your life and you reflect badly on us]".

im like "damn. you right, im not gonna fight you for the millionth time this month. i am ungrateful and immature."

then she follows with "act right dad is sad". dad.. is sad?? why? hes not usually one to take that kind of thing seriously or to heart... have i really let him down so badly???

then my working brain finally kicks in to read what she's actually saying. START telling people where im going. like an adult. okay, going where? why? to WHO?? the empty house?? am i to send a message in the groupchat to people who are 1) often asleep and unconcerned and 2) not home and won't read it til they get home plus usually id be back before theyd notice anyway? why would i do that.

so turns out its just my dad thinking I'm being murdered bc im out past sundown but just wants to whine about it and enjoy being dramatic instead of just asking. bc i am a call away. bc he's not actually worried, he just wishes i was hanging out with him.

so i tell her mom knows where i am and she says oh feeling dumb then comes back again to hammer home her righteous point:

here's the real issue she has with this situation:

shes pissed bc she thinks im out in the city with my friends and gone for the night or the weekend or whatever and not at home working with her when what's ACTUALLY happening is me doing mundane errands at the plaza less than ten minutes away as i ALWAYS AM and thinking about our dads birthday the next day. she's pissed that she thought i was having fun without her permission and the lack of control over me made her livid.

you cannot tell from these texts but i know how she types and what she'd think was even worthy to waste time talking or messaging about. and to be made wrong or having me stand by my actions, she is PISSED.

it really seems so banal but im telling you. its such a perfect example of how much she hated not having a say in what i did and how long and when after half a year of it. it really sent chills down my spine while also making my blood boil right back.

it scares me how much a switch was flipped the moment she realized she was losing control over me. she couldn't scream or scare or shame me into fucking anything.

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[sajaffery]

3...

i have to come up with a different proverb. maybe a new one. this is harder then i thought. but im really enjoying doing it. it feels like a wrting exercise. shit! it is a wrting exercise and i hate those. i absolutely hate them because they feel gimicky and unimaginative. but i came up with this on my own. so is it unimaginative? wait isnt there something called free association writing? is that what im doing right now? im not sure. i dont think youre allowed to think in that you’re just supposed to write and write and write and write. but how can you write without thinking? okay charger has been plugged back in and i can stop and think again. full disclosure by the way i am cheating to a certain extent because i keep editing every fifth mistake i make. im still leaving a lot in there to make this feel authentic. i felt like adding an emoticon there. cue self loathing. but no wait. old white men dont like emoticons do they? that good we like that. but young white girls do like emoticons. and justin bieber. dont know which way to turn now. lets move on. and i’m blank. i cant get justin bieber out of my head. good thing its not young white girls because that would be creepy. andd liable. is liable the right word. i want to google but i cant. new rule! no googling allowed. just train of…no no no. we cant use that either no trains allowed. old white men use trains. river of thoughts? cheesy. to similar to stream of consciousness, which isnt so bad because Virgina Woolf is a dead white woman. and i hate to love joyce. Love Dubliners. Love the idea of Ulysses, despite never getting past page 50 and not understanding what the hell happened in the forty or so pages i do read. except a young jesuit was or wasnt shaving. no word count either. new rule. im always checking word count to make myself feel good but we wont be doing that anymore. but i cant do this in the mornings anymore. not when i have to write. i mean seriously write because i would like to get published one day. read my name on the cover of a book. a hardback thak you very much because i do still love those (dead white men be damned) even if i dont particulalrly like paying for them. 15.99 for a book is ridiculous. especially when you can get it for 1p plus shipping costs in a few months time. i just cheated again. i deleted a whole paragraph i dint like anymore. its just felt repetitive like i was just telling you the same thing all over again in different word. filler. and we don’t like filler. its something EL James would use. i’m so glad EL James has become the by word for bad literature. she fully deserves it and im not just saying that because shes made a shit load of money. it does help though.it also helps that everyone seems to know who she is. James Patterson is equally shit, actually hes a different kind of shit. those alex cross books werent too bad to begin with. they certainly made good movies. anything with morgan freeman is a good movie. i hope if god does exist he does look like him. i wouldnt mind listening to him for all off eternity then. but then he started buying up unpublished manuscripts, polishing them up and printing them as his own with the real author getting a co-write. that fucking pisses me off. and he has the nerve to defend it by saying that he’s helping young unpublished authors. no you’re not asshole youre just printing money and using struggling authors just like every other arsehole looking to make a quick buck is. but you cant badmouth patterson because most nonreaders don’t know about him. but everybody knows EL James. god bless anal beads. okay im back. its the same day but i just posted this went downstairs to make some more green tea and came back up to add a little more to it. had two slices of chocolate cake too. i thought i was eating more because i was having a hard time writing but apparently i just like cake. and stuffing myself to point of explosion. edited slices and explpsion. there must be a way to switch off the squiggly lines that come up while im wrting this. typing. i’m only typing this.

[everythingflowinginbetween]

numero nueve?

da da da

my lack of self esteem makes furiously aggressively terrorist like attempts at destroying what character i have. My inner critic as we call these feelings emotions and echos of self hatred; screams inside of me telling me im not a person, it devoids me of any cognitive awareness of me as a person. It tells me i am no one who has no thoughts, that im a big nobody man; and years and years of living this way, i do feel like i am a complete void, information images coming into a big black space. Even when im into a practice or into something i call a hobby i cant help but feel like a complete imposter, its like that thing where you wear a band shirt and feel this overwhelming disgust at yourself because your like do i know this band enough and who do i think i am and i just know that one of these fucking guys know im a bare souled fuck. Im just now over the past three years uncovering trauma healing and understanding i am indeed a person capable of formulating thoughts, and great thoughts at that. The inner workings of a traumatized mind its fascinating terrifying depressing, i mean the layers and layers of self rejection its just exhausting, im so tired of trying to just be okay with existing. I get it, this machine of protection that is my mind was just a way to make child me know that she somehow had control of a childhood life that was insane, and made no sense, the way she grasped control was to believe that she was the culprit, the reason why her mother hated her and why life was so depressing. ill spend the rest of my life healing myself and pulling back the layers of protection. im here to say i exist, i have a right to exist, i have a voice, i am alive, i am worthy of voicing my fucking voice and i have a voice i am a person. i am good, worthy of respect, and worthy enough to say that i love fucking lou reed and i dont have to show an entire bibliography of fucking facts to prove it. Please if you ever read this know you are seen, you are worthy, and if you need self help book recommendations ill give you the good shit i promise. ive done so much healing its fuckkkking breaking my heart but open ...but open. but seriously your worthy, put some respect on your name life heart being.

[cheerstofuckedupyearz]

Ya’know what?? I’m tired. That is what.

[pholiabanna]

Sloppy seconds byler aren’t endgame angels with a nightmare is a fool a 25+ year old women with fantasies about teen boys being gay how’s that any different to men’s fantasies about lesbians?

Y’all are so caught up in you’re echo chambers you can’t see it and it’s gonna crash and burn so badly it’s not the byler show either it’s stranger things

Omg I feel so honored to get my first real hate ask!

There's so many things to unpack here, so I think Im gonna go one by one.

First of all, I assume you either ship Mleven or at least you despise byler, but my last post was only tagged as byler so there was no reason for you to see it unless you were stalking the byler tag, which in that case I'm glad you're such a dedicated fan!

Second of all, I'm assuming you're the same anon who has been sending around other anon asks the past couple of weeks always mentioned the words "sloppy seconds". Now, I know nothing about you or about your life enough to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I think I'd should let you know how disgusting of a term that is, and what it implies. I'm assuming if you like Mileleven you like Mike too, since he's one half of the ship. That's why it's shocking to me how you seem so adamant of thinking of him as nothing but El's leftovers, as if he wasn't his own person with his self worth! Also, someone's worth doesn't lessen just because they've already been kissed or touched by someone else. That's a sad outlook on life, and I'm not telling you to be mean, but because I think you'll live happier if you leave such toxic mentalities behind. They really do no good to someone's self esteem.

About the women fantasies about gay men, please notice how most people in this tag are underage people of all genders. This is not a sexual fantasy, as these characters aren't even portrayed sexually in the show to begin with. This is people who want to see good stories about themselves being written, and I think that's a really valid thing to wish for. Even if you've seen a couple weirdos out there on the internet, that's not the case for almost the whole of the fanbase. There's creepy people everywhere in every fandom. Also may I add that if you prefer Mike and El (which is completely valid if you do, you're allowed to have your preferences!) they are the same age as Mike and Will. Wouldn't you be predatory as well if you ship them? No you wouldn't, because they're kids and their relationship has never been sexual. Just like with Will and Mike. Assuming that every gay romance is automatically sexual is a very homophobic mindset ingrained in our society. If you really see gay people this way, probably you've been conditioned by society to do so, in that case it's not your fault but it's never too late to educate yourself. You'll be happier, seriously.

Finally, I wouldn't say an echo chamber is a ship community that has more Billions of wievs on TikTok that the other ship and surpasses it on every other platform, and that has general audience filmmakers and professional writers say themselves that they also understand how it's set up to happen in the final season. But again, it is not my job to convince you and you're not forced to change your mind. We will all have to wait until the final season to see who was actually right, only the Duffer brothers know what will happen.

Finally, Stranger Things is obviously not the byler show. However, one of the most important rules of storytelling is writing personal arcs and relationships for the characters to serve as subplots to the main story, so that the characters become full fleshed and realistic. The fact that you can relate to fictional characters, even though you've probably never time travelled done magic, lived in a post apocalyptic time or wathever you wanna imagine, is because you relate to their personal stories. A story isn't good without personal arcs, every professional writer you ask will tell you this. So yes, relationships are an episode aspect of stranger things that people can discuss if they want to. And the byler tag, or any other ship tags exists precisely to focus on those relationships. It doesn't mean that people don't like any other aspects of the show.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my little rant anon. I wish you have a great day!

[bloodmoon-bites]

Freddy Krueger x GN!reader headcanons

Okay, okay, okay, listen, i know i should be updating the moon knight fic but like, the freddy brain rot is real rn

(lol this is kind of a self indulgent headcanon thing, he’s my comfort character and i need some comfort rn lol, so take some protective/soft freddy headcanons) If you wish to be added to my taglist go here

______________________________________________________________

Pre-relationship headcanons that slowly bleed into relationship headcanons

Okay, so we know you two met in his little, nightmare of a world right?

well after he decided that he wasn't going to kill you, because, he liked your fiery personality and your persistence he just took to being a nuisance when you fell asleep and he pulled you into his little world because he got bored

he’d poke fun at you, throwing the occasional ‘hey hot stuff’ or something just to fuck with you, because lets face it, its who he is. he’s an aimless flirt

now some days he may get you on one of your bad days and if you get pissed enough or genuianly make it clear that you dont want him screwing with you right then, he will stop... mostly... (i mean what else can we expect, it’s freddy)

oh my LORD you two HATED one another at first-

‘Get the fuck away from me you burnt bacon, bitch!’

‘oh you really wanna go there you little shithead!?’

freddy is totally that one friend that you think isn't listening when you go on little rants to him, like you think he’s not listening and his just staring off, but no, if he likes you enough to not have killed you by now, he’s listening

oh? that bully who wont leave you alone? yup, they’ve gone missing on the news, or they were found ripped to shreds

okay okay okay, you cannot look at me and tell me this man wouldn't rip someone to shreds if you were good enough friends with him tho

if you have his same since of humor? prank wars, i swear, all the time, just pranks, and really dumb jokes

somehow get him with a deez nuts joke, or a dick joke? he’s floored

like

passed out on the ground from laughing, because you can almost ever get him with these, but if you can??? 

if it ends up he’s in love with you? it will take him a while to a) realize it b) accept it

like this man will be in total denial, he’s like ‘hell no, nope, no way’

when you found out he liked you? it was because of one of two reasons

1. You could have died and/or almost died and/or be on your deathbed, and he was like, ‘fuck it, i need to tell them before i lose them’

2. you told him someone hurt you or was being mean, and mans did the whole ‘imma possess someone’ thing and went into the material world and stepped between you and the bully/bullies and was straight up like, ‘You ever touch/talk to MY y/n again, and your dead’ 

after that whole ordeal (if it was 1 you lived lol, he just didnt think you would) the next time you saw him you confronted him about it, like ‘did you mean it, do you love me?” or “what do you mean, YOUR y/n?”

he’d be silent for a minute

he’d then go on about he’s in love with you, and has been for a while

you’ll see a whole new side to him, a vulnerable side, that even through your relationship you’ll rarely ever see

 after you two get together, he’ll be more touchy, this time not just randomly smacking your ass when you walk past

no, im talking like, when you first get in his realm or he’s possessing someone he’ll walk up behind you and hug you from the back, give you small kisses to the cheek, and just kinda hold you close kind of touches

then he’ll go back to grabbing your ass again lol (unless you tell him no [like seriously tell him no] or have already put your foot down on that then he wont)

you’re having a bad day? he’ll make as many jokes as he needs to get you to laugh, maybe throw some cheesy pick up lines out there too

‘are you from Tennessee? because you’re the only 10 i see”

‘freddy, babe, first of all, im already with you, second, i love you... but no’

his nicknames for you? oml where do i start, mans is calling u all the nicknames damnit

hottie, hot stuff, baby, babe, mine. all that shit

whenever he gets a small domestic urge

if you are in his realm, he’ll make it into a little house/apartment matching your own, with (if you dont have it) a couch or recliner by the window/facing the window, and have it raining outside with it being a little chilly with a fireplace going and he’ll pull you in and lay there cuddling with you ontop of him in his arms covered up by a blanket, keeping you two nice and warm

if your in the material world however, and none of the above can happen? he’ll help you pick out a movie, make some food (this man can cook okay, idky but i just have that feeling that if he really wanted to, he can cook), eat and then lay down in bed with you and watch some tv

when he feels like it, freddy can acutally be pretty nice, and not just a sarcastic asshole, it’s moments like these that you often remember the most.

not the arguments, or fights you two may get into, no, it’s always the good, domestic one you remember, because freddy doesn't get them often

he’s usually just the horny, asshole dream-demon we all know and love, so these small moments, while they are few and far between typically, are what the two of you cherish the most

Taglist: @ekkomorningstar @cbloodmarch @lo0nylexi​ @thankfulformystans​ 

[spikesbimbo]

Drunk in Love

Summary:  Getting drunk and confessing your love for your “boy” friend and fucking him was most definitely not what you expected to go down on the usual night.

Pairing: Issei Matusukawa x Reader

Tags: Timeskip!Tattoed Mattsun, softdom!issei Hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, smut, fluff, virgin!reader, Unptrotected sex, non-penetrative sex, fingering, oral, pussy/thigh job, clit slapping, sweet dirty talk, praise, drunk sex

Word count: 7.2k

A/N: I heard pussy job and I wrote a whole ass novel

18+ Minors DNI

You run your finger over the condensation of your empty drink, drawing shapes (or what you thought to be shapes, you couldn’t tell at this point) waiting for your dear friend, Makki to bring you a refill of your cocktail.  

“Here ya go.” Makki said as he returned with your beloved Malibu Sunset. The smooth coconut rum bringing you back to your first and favorite drink that you ever got drunk on in high school. You smiling at the memory

“Thanks.” you say. Your reply being mumbled by the liquid already in your mouth.

This all started with Iwaizumi calling Mattsun up, you and Makki hearing “You wanna get wasted?” on the other side of the phone. And with pleasure, you two were already packing your stuff up, shoving yalls “pregame” bottles back in the bag. The three of you made your happy way there climbing through the fence of the abandoned skate park you were in. Needles to say it was abandoned for a reason, but what’s life without a little danger.

You three and the rest of the third years have been friends since high school, meeting in freshman year, and now including Oikawa’s girlfriend. You actually didn’t like Oikawa at first, his “pretty boy” demeanor making you internally cringe. But his personality grew quickly on you, being the perfect target to tease you and Iwa clowning him over everything.

Now back to you on your nth drink, complaining about your previous job that fired you because u got injured, even though you know you wouldn’t have lasted long there anyways because you weren’t that academically inclined. Bright? Whatever you wanted to call it.

And as-usual it wasn’t long before your crybaby ass immediately called Makki and Issei and “tried” your best to tell them what happed with your dramatic self-induced tears running down you race, while Makki urged to you to try to calm down and Issei straight up laughing at the state your were in, snot running out of your nose. You recoiling at the thought, hoping they forgot. (Spoiler, they didn’t)

But now you nanny for a rich couple and you get payed good to play with cute babies all day, sounds good to you! Luckily, you had the week off due to them going on a vacation, you think it was France, no, the south of France. Must be nice.

Cue to now, Mattsun chuckling and leaning on you and Iwaizumi; both of you, especially Iwa, being visibly done with his shit. Him reminding you about the times you bought him some random shit, which you went out of your way for since he always payed for you, like that chopper keychain because you said it reminder you of him.

He didn’t know what compelled you to say his 6’2, tattooed built self looked like a tiny reindeer but okay. It still meant a lot to him, hooking it onto his motorcycle keys. But you knew he appreciated it, despite his appearance he’s a softie.

“You wanna try this’” He says gaining his composure offering you one of the shots he got.

You took one of the mini glasses, not being the type to back down and promptly swung the drink to the back of your mouth, quickly coughing before it even reached your throat.

“This shit is fucking gross.” You coughed out bringing the glass down from your lips.

  “Imagine being sober. Can’t relate.” He said taking another shot.

  “I guess I should do that but ive passed the point of giving a fuck” You said sending yall into a giggling fit while somehow Makki was thrown in to support yall from falling over. You two carry on laughing ignoring everyone’s stares at you thinking about how much yall fit perfectly together.  

   Makki rearranges himself to sit back in his chair, far away, from the both of you, whispering “Damn. I’m really third wheeling.” under his breath. Getting a snicker out of Oikawa sitting next to him.

   “When your best friends are ignoring you. Sad times.” He continues bringing his bottle to his mouth getting no response.

  Issei chuckles and gets up shoving his hands in his pocket reaching for the cigarettes. Pulling them out while failing to find his lighter

  “Fuck.” He muttered

  “Any’all got a light?”

  No one responds so you sacrifice yourself “Yeah” you say reaching into your pocket grabbing out your prized possession of a hot pink, bedazzled lighter that you did yourself, reaching out to hand it to him.

  “Don’t lose it” you stated seriously trying not to break a smile.

  “K’ sweet cheeks.” He said smirking into the butt between his lips as he walked away. Your face now burning up, hoping that everyone would think it was because of the alcohol.

  You mind wanders, thinking about the “dates” you two go on, from watching shows you “forcing” him to watch some romantic anime, to going to the skatepark, to playing video games with the rest of the 3rd years (which you don’t really like but you’ll play for him) and him surprising you with takeout, you bringing out candles trying your best to make it cute with him telling u everything you everything about his day.

  And you always tried to remain calm, even though sometimes he deserved to get his ass beat, like that one time he broke one of your favorite pair of heels. It honestly hurt him even more, he wanted you to get mad at him but no, you just acted like nothing happened. Making the guilt rise in him. Let’s just say didn’t have to lift a finger for the next few weeks.

You basically babied him, taking care of all his “chores”, mainly making him food when you were at his place knowing he hated doing it. Makki teasing you for acting like his housewife, leading to you slapping the shit outta him while trying to cover your now red cheeks.

You’ve never been so grateful for your attire at the moment, blessing yourself for not wearing your usual outfits of short skirts and cute tops, defending yourself saying what housewife dresses in beat up vans and baggy clothes. You definitely not imaging yourself in that position for the rest of the day.

 You expressed that you just liked to take care of people, which was true. You always looked out for them, bringing an extra umbrella, to bringing cookies you made at 2 in the morning to school, always carrying band-aids (yes, the paw patrol ones you took from the kids you babysit).

You checked the time on your phone seeing it was late since the sun at last went down, your lock screen being your dogs to their complaint since they have a group photos of you all from high school as theirs. To which you replied “They’re my babies” getting a groan and huff out of them.

  Seeing the notifications of your group chat you grinned at the contact name you and Issei gave each other; yall jokingly call each other pet names, his contact being honeybun and yours being pumpkin, even including Makki in your contacts as pudding bc then it wasn’t weird, right? no.

  “What’re you smiling at y/n?” Oikawa cheekily asks teasing you. You turn to him giving him a dirty look, not having enough energy to deal him right now.

  “Don’t listen to his bullshit.” Oikawa’s girlfriend says. You’re thankful for her. She was always on your side, being the only other girl in your friend group. To be honest you just wanted her and you to hang out most of the time, but of course to your disapproval her boyfriend and his friends had to join in.

  “Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m sleeping.” You say getting up to her objection, the only thing on your mind wanting to retire for the night.

  “You sure you’ll be fine? Let us at least walk you home.” She said already grabbing her boyfriend’s arm.

  “Nah, im good. I live right down the road.” You try to say not slurring. The last thing you want is him teasing you even more, especially in this state, knowing you, you’d probably start crying at the slightest irritation when youre this drunk.

    You started to “walk” towards your house resting  your hand against the brick walls to not lose your balance, leading you to run into Issei. You stopped to watch him lean against the alley holding a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

  “I’m hiding like a bitch” He says noticing you, resting his weight against the wall.

 “Wanna be a bitch with me? He grinned  blowing out the smoke out with his words.

You didn’t reply, just walking over to him, just being around him made you feel warm.

"Fuck its windy.” He says trying to light a new cig.

“C’you make me a house?” He asks.

You go up and put your hands around his cigarette, this not being your first time. Your hands wrap a little tighter to prevent the wind from burning out his flame. He joins you with his free hand helping, finally getting his cig to light.

 “Thanks doll” He smirks.

“No problem princess.” You reply earning a laugh out of him.

He takes his first hit with his and your hands still wrapped around it. He gets an up-close look at your hands, noticing how tiny they were, seeing all the scars that he never noticed, making a mental note to ask you how you got them later.

His head gets close to yours for the first time in a while due to his height. You glance at his face, noticing his features seeing some stubble growing on his face.

“You ain’t shave?” You ask, never seeing it in the past, while he was moving back up, blowing the smoke away from you.

“What, you don’t like my majestic beard? “He jokes. Making you giggle almost losing your balance before catching yourself on the wall.

  “s’too much work.” He starts. “You wanna shave it for me?” he says slightly leaning towards you. Handing you back your lighter knowing you didn’t need him to carry it because your pants actually had pockets in them for once.

You let out a soft laugh not responding again. He catches on, you got quiet when you were tired and he made out that you were walking towards your house.

“You going home?” he asks already knowing the answer.

“Yeah.” You respond more than happy to have him walk you back, him already moving to walk next to you.

He walks you home, you two talking about random shit, both of you forgetting about your skateboards leaving Makki to deal with them. And even though you’re drunk as fuck you’re still in the right state of mind, carrying a normal conversation with him. But just because you’ve built a tolerance doesn’t mean you can do basic tasks, like walk correctly.

When he reaches your house, he types in the keycode, your first dogs birthday, being glad that you, him and Makki have each other’s memorized.

He leads you into you house setting you on the couch, petting your dogs that ran up to him.

“Mommy’s not feeling too good” He said giving them the affection they deserved.

“Yes I am.” You slurred getting them attention on you now.

He walked over to your counter putting on the playlist that you two made together on shuffle, High fashion being the first to play. You didn’t like when it was quiet because too many thoughts would run though your head. You were in no way sad, singing the lyrics while you were laughing barely being able to hold yourself up as proof.

Remembering you were tired, he takes you off the couch and borderline carries you to your room, , setting you on your plush blankets that you had so many of because it was warm and comfy.

 “Easy, there. Try to sit up.”He said, trying to ask you what draws your pj’s were in because he didn’t want to snoop around; neither of you being bothered that you were half naked, what’s the difference between panties and a bikini, he thought remembering the times you’ve been to the beach together.  

Well it was maybe the fact that you were clinging onto him because u stumbled into him and he was closest stable thing around and you wouldn’t let go because it was cold and you couldn’t stop shaking.

 He ignores his thoughts and grabs the shirt he got out figuring you don’t need to change your bra because you told him and Makki that it was normal to keep it on for a few days after they were in awe as you were explaining how expensive they were. You calling Oikawa’s girlfriend to prove your point as she immediately agreed with you…Sometimes you might have got a little too comfortable with them.

You hear the song in the background change to Love Songs, you humming along, “Hope you smile when you listen.”

You were still holding on to him, your boobs squeezing against him, him only being able to put a t-shirt on you, while you looked up at him with your red glossy eyes making him burn up.  

You fidget timidly with your face now in his chest while gripping his sweater. Trying to build up the little courage you had. He tilts your head up making you look at him, wondering what you were thinking about.

  You try to express yourself, but you can’t get the words out him having no idea what is going on in your head at the moment.

“It’s okay to be nervous sometimes. Tell me” He gently says reading your body language. He was intuitive, so there was no way you could hide your feelings from him.

But you knew you could trust him, him having full self-control, always staying collected and following through on what he said he’d do.  He went out of his way to avoid any friction coming between you two, him never raising his voice or starting an argument.

“We need to talk.” You started. “About something important.”

“Ok…What is it?” He questioned rubbing his hands on your back. You were so nervous, were you really about to say this? Confess your feelings that you’ve pushed to the back of your heart for so long?

“I… I l… I love your face. And the stuff in it. and around it.” You spoke, being surprised you did it stutter.

He stood there, hands stopped moving trying to process what you just said.

“Just you, in general…”  You finally confess trying to state three things at once barely getting your words out.

But he understood exactly what you meant, or maybe he was warping what you said to fit what he wanted.

  "I don’t even know when I started liking you, but this shit won't go away." You restated

  Nope. He clearly just heard you say that.

  He doesn’t understand what’s so different about today. Yall have been in this scenario multiple times taking care of each other, sometimes including another into the mix.  

You didn’t understand either. You just felt like the time was right, even though you know it wasn’t the best idea to confess while you were drunk off your ass.

But you couldn’t help it, your feelings overflowing, which you never until this day let get the best of you, being vulnerable and trusting is not your usual . Youve never even had a crush on anyone, him being to only in your whole life to make you blush.

  Who you been vibin' wit and why I can't make you mine?

  You should have seen the signs that you feel for him when he helped that lady that lives down the street from him set up her Christmas lights or when he first met your dog that wasn’t fond of men, but it instantly liked him. And you loved his selflessness it was something you admired and applauded.

  “y/n” He tries talking you down, making sure you weren’t just saying this because of alcohol, deep down knowing he felt the same, you always being in the back of his mind.

You were generous with your time too, always being there for him. You knew he was softer than he appeared, he was tender, sensitive and vulnerable. He tried his hardest to not get into situations where anyone would get hurt, like breakups, arguments, and so on.

Which is why he won’t make the first move. He pushes his feelings to the back of his head. He values your friendship more than anything, but he can see what develops. If love is meant to be, it will happen.

I told you I am down for the worse or the better. But I keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters

    “You make me so happy. And I’ll always care about you. Okay? He says breaking the silence, trying to reassure you.  

  “You mean so much to me—something I can’t even put into words because nothing can compare- I’ve wanted you since that day you tripped and bust your ass in the school hallway I still want you even though you drive me insane.”

  “Iss-“ You tried to get out only to have him continue talking over you.

  "I love that you can’t leave the house without a jacket. I love the wrinkles that appear on your forehead after you call me crazy. I love that it takes you hours to get ready. I love that you always know how to make me feel better. I love that even when you don’t agree with my decisions you always trust me to make them.  I love that when I spend a day with you, I can still smell you on my clothes; and I love that you are the last person I think of  before I go to sleep at night."

  You stood there awestruck for what feels like eternity until you mustered the bravery to speak “I didn’t expect you to feel the same way-” You said, being dumbfounded because from what you’ve seen treats everyone “nice”, were you really getting special treatment?

  He tilts your chin up, locking his dark eyes with yours. “Baby I don’t know if your notice but you and Makki are my only people that aren’t my family that call me my first name.”

He has a point. You think pushing yourself more into him, trying to fuse your bodies together to hide, not relaxing what you were doing to him. He tries to nudge your legs to the side but you won’t let go still clinging onto him.

“fuck” He groans. You pulling back wondering why until you looked down and noticed. A smirk appeared on your face as you reattached your self to him like velcro. You were feeling bold, the liquid courage still in your system driving you to slide your fingers down his chest, looking him in the eyes before stopping at his waistband.  

He knows what you’re doing, him being in this position multiple times. Does he really want to ruin your friendship like this? He hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. He tries to push you off him already knowing you were gonna complain. But what he didn’t expect was for you to whimper out his name in that pretty voice of yours.

 He tried to keep his calm, blood already rushing down. “You know what you’re doing”

“yeah” You start.

“y’don’t want me?” Giving him your pouty face that you know he’s weak for, hoping that’ll work, insecurity piling up. Was it because your boobs weren’t that big or that fact that you were dressed like man? Was he not attracted to you right now, only liking you when you were dolled up?

“Fuck” You think. You should have worn something cute instead of dressing like a whole ass man even with your makeup fully done. Its not like you were supposed to know you were gonna get fucked today.

His were burning holes into you now, thinking of how to say “No, I would be more that happy to fuck you!” to his best friend, soon regaining his consciousness finally speaking.

“Fuck no doll, ive wanted you for a minute. You know me better than I know myself. How did you not notice my feelings?”

 You got me singing love songs, love songs, love songs

“You’re really hard to read” You replied trying to maintain your seductive act, resting your hands back on his chest.

“So are you.” He said lowering his head, you still looking up at him, taking in your gleaming eyes.

Sex ain't the only thing that's on my mind But you get me so excited, whoa

Your heart was beating so wildly that you could only take little sips of breath. His hands running down your waist stopping at your hips.

“Can I kiss you?" He asks "...yeah” you attempted to say as confidently as you could, nodding your head along with it.

His face bent down, hot mouth breathing over you. His lips slowly moved, brushing over yours, the liquor on his lips that you hated; only choosing fruity drinks even though you got relentlessly teased you for it.  You pushed further into the kiss desperately wanting more. Your teeth clicking his from being impatient, wanting to suck him in. Your hands sliding under his shirt subconscious desires reaching out.

Irreplaceable Tattoos from your neck that drop down to your ankles

“You’re drunk…” he says snapping you out of your trance.

“So are you.”

He dove in for another kiss much more passionate than the previous one, arguably needy, pusing you on the bed to which you more than happily comply. He tugs back not letting his mind get the best of him, disconnecting your spit trial leaving you panting. “You sure this alright?” He says deep down hoping you still say yes.

  You pull him back for your answer, your grabby little hands working their way back up his shirt. He gets the hint and pauses your lips rendezvous, taking off the turtleneck that he looked oh so good in, before seeing his unclothed body.  You’re admiring his body in a new way, before just complimenting him whenever he got a new tattoo, now up under him tracing them like a lovestruck teenager.

“When did you get this one?” You quietly ask, his ears closer to you than they’ve ever been.

“I got it that day you faked sick”

“What! You said were gonna take me!” You sulked, turning your head away from his as much as you could, crossing your arms.

He let out a slight laugh before gently taking your face in his hands, guiding you back into the kiss.

This is not really what he imagined for your first time. He’s an old-fashioned romantic who likes to take one step at a time. But then again nothing was ever normal with you. That said, when he falls in love, he falls deep.

“You’ve done this before?” You uttered.

“Hmm?” He mumbles, unmoving his lips from you kissing you, moving towards your neck.

“You still with that other girl?”

“No. I broke it off her, everything that came out of her mouth was bullshit, and no she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t trust her? You added. Trying to distract him until you could think of a way you could say “hey in my 21 years of life I’ve never got passed kissing a guy.”

“Our relationship was purely built on lies, I’d second guess everything she said. He replied, wondering if you were interrogating him.

“Why’d you wanna know?” He asked bringing his face up from your skin.

“…No one’s ever touched me like this, fuck.” You bashfully admitted, thoughts racing through your head that he didn’t want you anymore because you weren’t experienced.

But he knew what was running through that pretty head of yours, his fingers reaching out to with your hair trying to comfort you.

“You’re a virgin?” He curiously asked dragging his hand to your cheek, you leaning into it.

“y-yeah” you muttered trying to move your eyes away from his looking down at his body.

“I thought you had a boyfriend before” he said, softly turning your jaw to make you look at him. Your eyes diverted from his arms back to his eyes.

“We weren’t actually dating” You quickly say trying to clear up the misunderstanding. “He was my friend and seatmate that pretended to be my fake boyfriend to get me out of some trouble” you spewed out “and I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was fake.”

“Even if we were that doesn’t mean we fucked.” You sheepishly replied.

“So… what trouble did your fake boyfriend get you out of.” He questioned knowing how much trouble it must have been for you, miss independent, to go to such lengths.

“Umm, well…this guy wouldn’t stop flirting with me even after I told him I don’t like him, even following me to my other classes.”

He wasn’t surprised, you were definitely a sight for sore eyes, in fact the prettiest thing he’s laid his eyes on, your beaming eyes, your dimple when you smiled, your pretty face, your “ugly” laugh, he could go on for days.

“Why are we talking about this” You whined, reaching your hand back out to him.

He took a hint and continued kissing you, bringing you closer to him while you attempted to take you shirt off. His hands helping you seeing as that you were struggling, being lost in his touch, finishing by moving you up more on you bed, pushing your plushies out of the way, to your protested because “they had feelings too.”

He ignored you, bending down to pull your panties off stopping once he saw the slick coming through them.

“Fuck baby you’re wet” He breathed dragging his fingers across your clothed slit earing a whimper from you, leaving his fingers drenched.

 Shawty, you wanna feel good, I wanna feel good too Don't I make you feel good?

“M’always wet.” you responded.

From what? He questions taking off your soaked cotton panties, tossing them to the side.

“From me?” He smirks bringing his hand back towards your heat. You not even comprehending what he just said, just knowing that you’re ashamed of how worked up you were getting.

You were in awe. You’ve always known his hands were big, but in this situation your mind wondered. His fingers were so much bigger than yours knowing you can barely fit two inside your with out it hurting, and not in a good way.

“Do you know how pretty you are? It’s honestly distracting.”. He says kissing down your whole body, stopping at your breasts, licking lazily around and coming back to the nub. The attention on your nipples making you squirm and he finally lets go, you grateful that he stopped or you would have almost cum, how embarrassing.

“I thought you said were gonna get them pierced” He remembered, you going on a whole rant about how cute they were.

“You said u were gnna get em with me” You looked back on, reminding yourself making him promise to get them with you because you were too scared of the pain.

“That was the same day you played sick and I got that tattoo.” He stated lightening the mood, hoping you can calm yourself down before you actually embarrass yourself.

He picks back up and continues kissing all the way down your body, you playing with his hair while biting your lip to muffle your moans and whine until he reaches your entrance.

He parted your legs, your pussy laid out before him, believing you no have reason to be shy about it either. He paused, admiring your swollen cunt and puffy clit, you were beautiful.

The feeling that he didn't want anyone else ever in his position overtook him. He let out a little breath on your clit and you thrashed around. He wasn't going to play. “I’ll take care of you.”

His lips travel over your skin, light and heated before settling himself between your legs, grabbing you by your thighs and dragging you closer. “That tickles.” you giggle, nerves making you kick your legs, almost hitting him in the face before he grabs them. He puts them down locking your legs with his arms, lowering himself until he’s on the ground facing you.

“Does it make you nervous when I stare?” he teases while your covering your face trying to hide the blush he caused.  He puts his mouth on you, quickly gripping your thighs, his hands leaving imprints in your skin dragging you even more into him, deprived kisses taking over your body. 

“yer so pretty” You purred seeing the sight of his big build between your legs, your fingers grabbing onto his curly dark locks, tugging them.

  Issei moans, his voice radiating through your body, forcing out a cry, blessing him with your pretty voice. “I-Issei!” You cry, never feeling like this before, your vibrator and hands doing it no justice.

“Shh, just look at me, doll.”

You can barely make out what he says, so drunk on pleasure. You try your best, doing anything to see the pretty man beneath you. But you get interrupted by your pleasure, your back arching not being able to control your body, grinding down to meet his lips, heat rising in you.

He kisses through your wetness playing with your bud. You choking on your spit, back arching again your body tensing up. “Issei,” You beg, grabbing him knowing what you want but not being able to express it. Luckily he can read you like an open book, knowing what you want, driving you over the edge as he makes you see stars. “Good girl,” he sighs when he feels you let go of his wrist letting him bring you your first orgasm.

“Look at your thighs shaking so much.” He teasingly cooed, wrapping his hands around them, bringing you out of your daze.

Shawty, your body is so exciting

Arching your back into the blankets, letting out a whine “Want your fingers.”.

He lets out a condescending laugh. “You need to learn to be patient. You just came and you’re already so eager for more?”

But by the time he finished your body went limp, you were totally weak, body loose-limbed and pliant. Your mind clouded by lust and deep in your own world. You gasped out a little sob, unable to comprehend anything beyond the discomfort and the need to have it gone. You can’t think straight all you can do is take action, grabbing his arm him easing his fingers into to you.

It’s not too tight, is it?” you ask clenching around his fingers.

 “Just relax… let yourself feel it” He says barely being able to move in you. Fuck so were so tight.

“I love the way you look with my fingers inside you.” He added starting to thrust them inside you, making you let out a string of moans.

“Look how good you take it.”  

“Fuck, you’re so messy.” He groaned feeling the slick running down his hands, before taking them out.

“Issei-i,” You cried when he pulled away, pleasure leaving you, tears coming back.

  He shushes you easily, his fingers wiping your tears. You were so precious to him, your moans music to his ears.  He slows down repositioning his fingers, making you let out a whimper squeezing around them. Your brains so crowded you can’t focus, can’t gather the strength to speak when he thrust them faster inside you.

  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you fell back, fingers curling inside you, chanting his name over and over, incoherent words coming out of your mouth begging for more. 

You pussy tightens as you cum, unable to breath, letting out gasps and whines. Him still fucking you, fingers not stopping, pushing them in and out relentlessly feeling both pain and pleasure. You lay there, wet in your own cum not giving yourself a break before you went and got what you really wanted, his cock.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as they pushed down his boxers, revealing the length of his cock, that jutted proudly from his hips. He was so pretty, so virile and handsome. Wondering how lucky you were to be in such a position with him.

You pushed away those thoughts and focused on him, pulling him forward gently, but he followed his encouragement. One of his hands tilted his cock down toward your lips. “Open your mouth for me, baby.”

You parted them instantly, tongue sliding slightly outward, and then you whimpered as the warm weight of his cock slid into your mouth. You let your eyes flutter closed and swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock not knowing exactly what you were doing, but it was working, tasting the salty tang of the precum that wept from his leaking slit. You moved your tongue as the he put his hand into your hair, gripping the strands and pushing deeper into his mouth.

“You look so good on your knees like that. “He says meeting your eyes once again, almost cumming from the picture below him.

“Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.” He says slowing you down by grabbing your hair, making a pace that you follow.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.” Seeing that sinful look in your eyes with your redden swollen lips.

You moan feeling yourself drip down your thighs, getting even wetter giving him head. Trying to ease the discomfort by closing your legs, griding them together, trying to find some friction. Your ears hearing “That’s so fucking hot.” watching the scene unfold beneath him.

Your jaw hurts, trying got make him cum faster using your hands and lips together hollowing your cheeks. “Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" he groans out, his voice sounded beautiful to your ears, knowing he was about to cum.

He finally lets go cumming in your mouth, you swallowing it all, trying not to wince at the taste. “Did I do good” You ask waiting for his reply. Your doll eyes, so red and worn out looking up at him for approval. Fuck he was whipped.

“Yeah…fuck baby”

I love when you get on top and you ride it

You get back under him, his cock resting on you, drenched and clenching around nothing, resting in your cum. You working yourself up against him.

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?” He says to your complaint.

“You’re not ready yet.” he mumbles against your whining. Spreading your legs, slapping your clit a few times before letting his cock rest on your folds. Finally getting “seated” he picks up your legs and puts them both on one of his shoulders your thighs warming his cock, your knees touching his cheek not moving, getting a kick out of how desperate your were for him.

“s-stop being mean” You cried reaching out for him to come closer, needing affection after all you’ve been though.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you? He says leaning into you, reaching your kiss, tasting the remnants of the cum in your mouth.

He plundered your mouth and slowly teased his cock over your entrance, catching it against your clit and making you whimper into the kiss, clearly wanting to be fucked. Your kiss turned you sucking on Issei’s tongue and lips, biting the swollen pout until his lips were red and puffy. He pulled back and looked down at you, a beautiful mess under him.

His fat cock head pushed between your folds. The moan escaping both of your lips was primal. You were turned on beyond imagination and the way he was thrusting forward, spreading his leaking precum on your wet clit was almost too much. He quickly picked up his pace fucking your folds, his warm head brushing against your clit with every movement, but your greedy self wanted more.

The fact that he made you cum so easily made you proud. Just because you’ve never gone this far with someone else doesn’t mean you’ve never cum, you’ve had a lot of practice over the years, being insatiable, the sheets soaked underneath you from your previous orgasms being proof.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” He moans getting your attention him.

You tried, you really tried, but the way he was stroking you, imagining what it’d be like to actually sit on his cock, the lewd sounds echoing in the background leaving you unable to focus.

He taps on your cheek eventually getting you look at him, keeping your mind on him by placing his fingers in your mouth you letting him, hazily sucking on them, not being able to close your mouth.

“Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.” He grumbles. Your spit dripping onto his fingers, the friction of your thighs making him feral, moving at an even faster pace. Your body bouncing with every thrust.

“You gonna cum after I cum on your little clit? Come one more time for me, I know you’ve got it in you.” You sob feeling the puddle beneath you, time slowing, fire pooling in your tummy.  Listening to his words you let yourself go. You come with a silent scream as the pleasure ripped through your body, your nails scratching his soft skin. Your vison fading to black feeling him lose his rhythm and moaning a mixture of curse words along with your name, feeling him cum on your tummy before resting his head in your neck while letting your legs go.

“So good for me, look at how much you came.” He says breaking the static. You whining into his shoulder, emotions high, never doing this before.

“I know, baby, I know. I’m right here, just breathe.” He says. You two laying in silence for an unclear amount of time, him rubbing your back while you rest in his chest almost dozing off.

“Are we still…friends?” You croak out trying to hold back your sobs already knowing the answer that you two were defiantly not friends now and never would be just friends again.

“Friends don’t do this type of shit” He maintained grabbing your shoulders to sit you and him up. You were worried, did he only do this with you because he was drunk? You were anxious that you scared him away because you just poured your heart out to him and pushed yourself on him. You left your head down, tears already coming out to your dismay. You moved your hand up to wipe them but he beat you to it.

“Look at me… I love you.” He says holding your cheeks in his palm. You in awe, hoping that you weren’t imagining it, that this was real life.

“R-really” You question making him worry too, preferring to forgive and forget rather than letting this a divide between the two of you in case you went back on your feelings. You were so overwhelmed, never feeling love until this moment, so happy that the person you longed for liked you back. Yours tears running once again.

 “Shh, shh, it’s alright...Don’t cry.”

You don’t even know why you were crying, the hangover already getting to you making you get a headache. You groaning in his arms complaining that your head and throat hurt.

“Ill be back” he says detaching himself from you, letting you know he was coming right back.

He walks to your fridge opening it to see every drink but water, having too dig through all of them, especially the absurd amount of apple juice guessing it was your “once a year craving for it”. He finally got you some cold water, putting It in a cup and waked back to your room.

  “Issei” you whined not picking your head up from the pillow.

  “Shh baby im right here.”

  He sat down beside you on your bed lifting your head up. “Here drink this” he reassured, to which you ignored not wanting anything to go in your mouth, just wanting the day, or night as it was now, to end.

  “It’s just water, honey, look.” You sat yourself up with his help seeing him in just his boxers, you remembering your still naked, not caring enough to cover yourself. He held to glass to your mouth, babying you, tilting it far back enough to where you could drink it. The water hit the back of your mouth feeling like a shot making you cough.

“I know, it hurts. I’m sorry but we have to” He stated. You continued to drink it, feeling the stinging in the back of your throat, him comforting you, calling you “good girl” which was unsurprisingly working.

  He put the cup on your dresser when you finished, climbing back into bed with you leaning your body into his. “Have you ever thought about...us? Y’know, as an...item?” he said causing you to look at him with wide eyes.

 “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.” He insisted making you cheeks flush. You try to think of a way to respond, not wanting to keep him waiting.

“You’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me. Not only am I deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.” You stammer out, your shaky hands somehow made there way to his neck, letting them fall slowly before he grabs them dragging you in for a kiss before you got to even see his face.

“Everybody has always thought we’re a couple.” He continued taking his time kissing you all over your face. “Then I guess we should be.” You retort, kissing him back before you could see his reaction, not wanted to be embarrassed anymore today. But he caught you, holding you still “Really “y/n? Like deadass?” He asked.

  “Yes dummy, I want to be your girlfriend” You say causing him to grin swearing you’ve never seen him smile that big, before he gives you one last kiss.

  “I always kiss you on the cheek, why are you blushing now? He teases laying back down, you following along. You just snuggle into him mumbling something along the lines of “m’tired”, he understanding and speaking to you in a soft, gentle voice while helping you to bed, so he doesn’t make it harder for you to sleep by being loud. “I’m here love, I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers into your ear mkanig your heart swoon one last time before you pass out.

  “I l-love you issei.” You sleepily mumble.

“Tell me this when you’re sober.” He says stroking your head.

“Just relax, close your eyes...”He murmurs, your heart beating slower every second. Both of you together, lazy, slow presses. Limbs pressed together, chests heaving, fingers trailing down backs, tracing lazy patterns.

  “Oh!…” He remembers. “If you really wanna get them pierced, we could get matching ones.”

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